Anupam Krishnamurthy

The courage to criticise

I'm sure you've faced this situation before. Somebody asks you for feedback on their work. The moment you look through it, you know that it can be significantly improved. Yet, there is a sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach holding you back.

There are several reasons we hesitate to criticise. Perhaps you have been requested feedback on a personal essay for university application. Criticising this essay can feel like invalidating the recipient's life's work. The recipient may be a friend, whose feelings you don't want to hurt. Or it might be a complete stranger, whom you may feel unqualified to criticise.

When I look past these misgivings and do offer critical feedback, the results have been telling. Once I have taken somebody's work apart, I sit pondering amidst the remains, fearing that I would leave them discouraged and demoralised. Yet, in most cases, they soon send me a revised version that goes well beyond my suggestions. They are also grateful for my criticism.

Criticism can be invaluable, since it offers us a perspective on how our work could be improved. However, I notice that in our hypersensitive world, criticism has been relegated to a closet. In most cases, people choose only to praise even when they leave behind a feeling that they are holding something back.

Not offering criticism might be mistaken for kindness. Yet, it is often cowardice or laziness. When somebody asks for feedback, they have given you the permission to criticise their work. You then have the opportunity to elevate it. But this requires a modicum of courage. It also requires you to do the difficult work of expressing your dissatisfaction in a manner that is helpful. Shying away from doing this work is also a reason we hesitate to criticise.

Helpful criticism makes people feel seen. It signals that you care about their work. It indicates an intention of raising them to a higher standard rather than putting them down – perhaps why we call it 'constructive'. Offering feedback in this manner is a skill that we need to cultivate. As we grow our sphere of influence, the opportunities we have to offer feedback multiplies, and so does the need to build this skill of offering criticism with care.

So here is my advice, mainly to myself. Whenever you have been requested for feedback and you sense that sinking feeling in your stomach of wanting to take the easy way out, don't do it. Instead, lean into this opportunity with care and offer your criticism with grace.